As I sit here writing, I already feel like it is already a struggle. "What if no one reads it?" "What if the friends and family I wish would read it won't or won't even care?" All sorts of questions pop up in my mind. But I feel like this post came flowing out of a sweet time of bible study with The Lord. So maybe it will help others, or maybe it is just here for me. Either way, here it goes.
I was thinking about the question many people have asked me and others. Let me know if there is anything I can do? This question is so open ended and hard to answer during a tough time for a family. Now that some of the fog has cleared I can see ways that I could have answered that question.
1. Gas, food, and grocery store gift cards. These are something that are essential to families with all of the dr and hospital trips families have to go. But I want to take it a step further. Entertainment gift cards, example movie theater gift cards. I had a sweet friend from high school named Cherie, she sent us gift cards and these were one of them. I remember thinking how cool and out of the box thinking it was and didn't realize the impact that card would have on me. Not only was it intentional, she had to think about our situation, family, etc and came up with something fun in the midst of some very unfun times. But I realized something when we spent those cards. With so many medical bills, etc it was really hard to spend money on something like a movie for a family of six when we had no idea what was coming around the corner financially. The guilt you feel, sometimes even the shame and worry makes going and spending money on fun non necessary things is often times to hard for families. What Cherie did by sending us that card, by paying the price so to speak, she took all of the guilt, fear and shame away. It freed us to enjoy that time without consequence. What does that remind you of????? THE CROSS! It is the very thing that Our Lord and Savior did for us. WOW! Talk about being the hands and feet of Jesus. What love we felt that day.
2. Keep asking specific questions. For example," while you are at the next dr apt would it be ok if I came to your house and cleaned for you? Instead of saying can I help you with anything, give specific times and dates and what you can do for them.
3. Make, deliver or send hospital bags for mom AND dad. Use things like blankets, healthy snacks, drinks, DVDs, toiletries, books (and not just ones about grief and loss, something funny). Again, go further, Take time to get to know the family, what do they like, enjoy, hobbies etc. I remember when friends would send me Starbucks gift cards because they had one in the hospital! YES! Another idea would be to make up a hospital bag for the sick child AND siblings. Often time the siblings are very overlooked and struggle greatly.
4. Go with them to the hospital outpatient days and help them for the day. If you have a child (or a few) that are friends with the child and siblings take some toys and let them keep the kids company. Just having someone else there to take your mind off of things and have someone to talk to is amazing! The lessons that it will teach your children as well, giving them a small taste of what these families go through....priceless. My sweet friend Karen came with me one day and talked with Josiah and me for the day. It was amazing how fast the times went. I was also able to go downstairs and get lunch while she stayed with Josiah. Something I normally do not get to do when I am by there by myself.
5. Bring meals. Meal trains are great but after the first initial two weeks or so of meals and people get back to their lives. Meals are still huge help to these families, well into treatment and recovery. Way after others had stopped checking on Josiah, my sweet friend Janelle brought me multiple meals. I was so tired by the end of the day with all of the care Josiah needed round the clock, that by the time it got to dinner I was ready for bed. She would bring dinner, desert and sometimes bring over some groceries. It was truly an act of selflessness. She was laying down her life for mine. With her time, money and so much more.
Also, pray over the food while you are preparing it. My sweet friend Cindy brought us a meal once and told me how she prepared it with prayer. I almost broke down crying in front of her, but I didn't want to scare her away! HAHA! It was such a blessing, and what a great example of what to do in my own home and for others.
6. Prayer , I know I know. Of course people can and DO pray. Interceding for these family in prayer is huge. There were so many nights that I tried so hard to pray and all I could do is cry myself to sleep. Peace came from knowing for certain that some body out there was praying for my family that night even when I couldn't. But lets take it a step further. Don't just say that you are praying, show the family the prayers. Call them and pray with them over the phone, leave a prayer on voicemail, text or facebook. Especially on a day when they are having a procedure/scan. If your kids are praying, tape them and send it to the family. Send them a card with your prayer on it so they can read it whenever they need to. Go beyond just mere words and make it real to these families.
7. Fundraisers.... participate, serve, give, start one, and share in them. I never quite understood why people had fundraisers when a member of the family would get sick. But WOW all of that changed when Josiah got sick. It all made so much sense and I found myself humbled with the fact that they are legit in their need for extra help. Travel expenses, medical bills, dr apts, meals out, medicine, etc. It all adds up so quickly. We are so thankful for all of the people who worked at each and every fundraiser we had. And the ones that still help like Trucks 4 Kids!!!!
8. Most importantly, be there for the long haul.... I think the struggle I hear from most families, and our self is that after the initial shock wears off and the daily grind of it all starts to take its toll people have moved on to their daily lives and passing you by and the help stops. The need is still desperately there, but it takes a true servants heart to stick with these families. People hear that the children are in remission and have their hair back so they are fine now, right? WRONG! Then the side affects start and treatment takes it toll on the children, siblings, and parents who are all struggling to keep going. Remember that as you quickly go back to your normal routine, there lives are changed forever. Take them out for coffee/the movies anything you guys used to do before they started on this horrifying journey. Invites them places, even if they have to say "no" more than they "accept". KEEP ASKING! Please don't run from these families, you can't CATCH IT ya know!
I'll try to address churches and what they can do on another post.
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